Have you ever had your day planned out and before you know it you are going a totally different direction and not doing anything you had wanted to do? When that happens to me, I get so upset with the thing that derailed my plans and I get upset with me for allowing myself to get distracted. I'm not naturally organized so I have to work hard to incorporate structure and discipline in my practice to make sure I get everything accomplished. That is why I love my bullet journal and try to action plan at the start of every week. I scheduled my tasks for each day and by the time I am done I feel amazing and sure that I’m going to have a highly productive week!
A few weeks ago I was having one of those elated moments where I had planned out my week and had set goals for myself and felt very confident that I would achieve them. I was excited to get to work and start checking things off my to-do list, but I soon found out that my husband had other plans for me. That morning Michael was out looking for Chaga and enjoying the fresh snow on his snowmobile. He came home full of energy and told me about how beautiful his trip was and that wanted to take me out on a snowmobile ride the next day. Instantly I was filled with frustration. I had just spent hours mapping out my week and Tuesday's To-Do List did not include a snowmobile ride. I was upset and angry with Michael for not recognizing Tuesday was a "work day" for me. I became overwhelmed with the realization that I was going to lose a day of work and not sure how I was going to get everything done.
I believe in limiting regret and knew I needed to calm my emotions and start thinking differently. I tried to "frame" this situation by telling myself this was not something Michael did as a norm, it was incredibly kind of him to want to share something special with me, that I love to spend time with him, that we may not get this opportunity again, and that I could work late Monday and Tuesday night to make sure I did not fall behind. Despite all of those thoughts, I was still feeling a little frustrated when I went to bed that night.
The next morning we got up early, bundled up with layers of clothes, and I made sure to use my Body Oil and Facial Serum as it was incredibly cold that day and wanted to make sure my skin did not get dry. I tucked my Lip Serum in my pocket and headed out the door. I was smiling on the outside but my internal dialogue was incredibly negative and my anxiety high. I found myself on the back of the snowmobile frustrated and crying because I wasn’t at home doing work but rather was out in the beautiful Maine forest with my husband.
I recall saying to myself: "Why am I out here!" I realized I could have said no and started to turn that statement into a question: “Why am I out here?” I knew there had to be a reason and started thinking about my word for this year, trust. The key to trust is not always knowing "why" but having a firm belief that there is a reason behind each action. I had to have a firm belief that there was a reason for Michael to ask me to go with him that morning versus doing what I originally had planned. As we rode through the woods I started saying a mantra to myself: "I will trust my journey."
Before long I found myself relaxing, taking in the beautiful environment around me and breathing. I also found my mind wandering a bit and creative ideas about the business started flooding in. Each time I started feeling frustrated, I pulled out my mantra and interrupted the anxiety and thoughts with "I will trust my journey" and we were able to have a beautiful ride that morning.
I'm not really sure the specific lesson I was to learn from this. Maybe it was to remind me that I'm most creative when I'm unstructured and that I need to make sure I leave room for spontaneity. Maybe it’s that I should prioritize my loved ones over work and enjoy these moments that I may never get back. Or maybe that I need to ask "why" less often and just trust my everyday journey.